‘El Mejor Beso'
THE CHARACTERS OF ‘EL MEJOR BESO’
‘The Best Kiss’
1. Charlie 2.Nicole
3.Lisa 4.Brenda
Charlie
“No girl, I think the best kisses, are the ones you have when your man has to leave and you just don’t want him to go. You know, when you’d do almost anything to make him stay?
Take yesterday for instance. My baby Ryan came by and let me tell you, not only do we have a great time together but I swear, we could stay in doors for a week straight and not get bored with each other. I just hate it when he has to leave me. Sometimes I’ll hide his cell phone, his keys or even his wallet. I know it sounds a little pathetic, but it’s actually a little funny, because although he pretends to hate when I do that, the look in his eyes always says different.
So after he has found and gathered all of his belongings and we’re standing by the door, I’ll pull on the lapel of his coat; that by now he has put on to prove the urgency of his departing and whisper his name softly. I can instantly feel him weaken at the sound of his name. He’ll say to me, ‘Charlie, Don’t call my name like that.’, but I’ll say it again, whispering even softer, looking him straight in the eye and than, just like that, we’ll kiss. Usually, I’ll have him for another hour or two.
But when he and I both know our time together has been spent, the last kiss we share is full of a-kind-of helpless desperation. Neither one of us want to separate. The kiss is so emotional and consuming…it’s wet and warm…and ummmm…it’s like we…passionately fall into each other’s mouths. WHOA!!! I don’t know how else to explain it, other than, it’s amazing.
Nicole
“Oh shut up, Charlie, you wet-behind-the-ears, single, ‘love is everything’, pop-tart! Wait until you’ve been married for 15 years, like me.”
Lisa
“You tell her, Nicole. You see Charlie, when you’ve been married for ‘ten-plus’ years, and your husband leaves for whatever reason, you know that without fail that man is always going to come back. He’ll not only come back, but he’ll return with the stench of a days worth of sweat, stress and more sweat. So for a kiss to be amazing, there has to be something more than just a ‘good bye’ to inspire it. For instance, you guys know that my birthday is this Saturday. Well let me tell you. Since Monday of this week, Steven has been giving me the cutest little presents. He said that he’d be giving me one everyday until Saturday. Well, these presents have been so sweet and thoughtful that I just don’t know what to do with myself. But today’s gift, oh my God has taken the cake so far.
You guys know my mornings are always busy with the twins, Stevie, Jr. and Danny; well this morning, after I finally get them quiet and settled in front of the television I quickly and quietly begin to back out of the den, tip-toeing my way out. Once I hit the threshold of the room I turn to sprint into the bedroom and crash straight into Steven. Well, he’s just so freaking handsome in the morning and with all the gifts and sentiment, I didn’t go off into my usual nagging fit about him being clumsy, stupid and always in the way. Anyway, in his hand he has this box; nothing fancy and he says to me, ‘I love you baby, now open up.’ I open the box and inside lay these beautiful earrings that I had literally gone crazy for, get this, 3 months ago! Steve and I went to this awesome street fair with the twins 3 months ago. At the fair, there was this woman selling handmade jewelry. I’m surprised you guys don’t remember; I raved about these earrings for the whole month. Well anyway, you old hags, all her jewelry was stunning and very unique, but this one pair totally jumped out at me. The woman called them The Leather Stone. They were so lightweight, which made them perfect for my sensitive ears. I just had to have them. She cleaned and bagged them up for me but when I opened my wallet there was only lint and old receipts inside. I forgot I had spent the last of my shopping money 2 booths ago. The lady didn’t take check or credit, even though I begged her to for at least 15 minutes. I couldn’t get them. I was so disappointed. I would’ve traded Steven in for them. I really fell in love with those earrings.
The most romantic thing about this gift though, is that Steven wasn’t even with me at the table. He had gotten distracted by some vender selling old sports magazines and even now I still have no idea how he knew which pair to get and from whom to get them. He refuses to tell me. That fair was 3 months ago and this man can hardly remember to take out the trash. He really surprised me.
I don’t even remember making an effort to move in to kiss him but before I knew it we were. That kiss, was as passionate as the ones we shared when our love was new. You know Charlie, back when he had to leave me and I just hated to see him go. After the kiss, I put my new earrings on and that sexy man of mine took everything else off. We were both late for work that morning.”
Nicole
“Oh my goodness. Listen to you Lisa. You sound just as wet-behind-the-ears as that little pop-tart over there. You should be ashamed of yourself. I thought you were a seasoned veteran, but I’m now realizing that you’re nothing more than a…a…civilian. Listen to me, all of you. after 15 years of marriage, a 12 year old and a 7 year old, little league, ballet, the PTA and 4 seasons of the chicken pox and the flu, the best kiss ladies by far is the last kiss…the last kiss GOOD NIGHT! And that kiss, I have down to a science. Listen and learn. At night, when you and your husband are lying in bed together, you say, very matter-of-factly, ‘goodnight’. Now, if you must and only if you must, you give him a kiss. The kiss however, must be executed quickly, must be very dry…with no tongue. It must lack any emotion. As soon as your lips part you immediately, almost simultaneously turn over, lay on your arms, which by the way, should be folded, and you, face the wall.
Sometimes, to be safe and depending on how tired I am, I’ll even fart a little; blame my period and, viola. No sex, no fooling around, no nothing, just wonderful, blissful, peaceful sleep. It works every time. Now those kisses, Charlie, are amazing.”
Brenda
“Wait one second! Charlie, don’t listen-”
Nicole
“Oh please Brenda. Before you even start, you and Jason are just nasty and weird as hell. No one that has been married for as long as you two, should be having sex anymore but if, for some strange reason, they are, it’s not nearly as much as you two nasty rabbits. Yall are just freaks of nature. No, yall are just freaks.”
Brenda
“Anyway, like I was saying, Charlie, don’t let this dry and arid desert of a woman kill your romance. Although, a freaking tsunami couldn’t get Nicole wet, you do sound a little wet-behind-the-ears and so do you Lisa. You see ladies, every woman that knows anything about anything, knows that the best kisses are the ones planted…below the belt! Take it from someone who has been married for 30-plus years. Those kisses baby, are always good. They’re emotional and consuming, erotic and…what else did you say sweetie? Oh yeah, amazing. And I didn’t even get to the best part. The best part Charlie, are their endings.”
Charlie
“Their endings?”
Brenda
“Yes, sweetie, their endings…OH GOODNESS…their endings. Charlie, they’re more than amazing, they’re…they’re…WAIT a second! Someone cover the naive pop-tart’s ears! She’s still single.
The women all laugh together.
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